I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

I keep feeling like weird remnants from my past are reaching out with their dusty skeletal fingers and touching my Present Life. Is it strange when you can't get over everything awful you thought when you were 14? .



I feel so dumb and lonely

Bored. Too much coffee to sleep. Wish I lived with 7 different people in a gross punkhouse. We're all waiting for school and apartment leases to end. Then I can finally rearrange myself into a house I like, with a dude I like. zzzzzzzz.

everyone keeps asking me what am I going to do when I get out of school.

I am going to do awful, awful things!

caught up in two of my classes, after tonight I'll hopefully be caught up in two more

then that just leaves monster portfolio to deal with

Sometimes I get so ridiculously upset over nothing. Francisco says it is because I am a girl, and girls deal with stress by getting overwhelmed and crying

hahaahahahaha

(it's funny because it's true :c )

I have the option of failing art school right now. I am so, so, so tempted. I want to suicide this academic thing and live outside of teachers and assignments and actually have time for the art I do care about

hahaha maybe, but of course I won't

but I'm SO dangerously close. it doesn't feel horrible, only completely thrilling!

school's been so extremely bad and good for the past 3 years that I just want out of this intensity

sshheepp practice:



I'm thinking so much harder now about art principles. My teachers have been telling me about composition and balance since day one but it's really, really clicking lately and I'm much stronger at applying everything I've been taught. However! Right now I'm watercoloring a still life with a stuffed octopus and 3 passion fruit

it's the BIGGEST DISASTER EVER

truly

aaaaa these paints seriously don't do ANYTHING I want them to do and I have no clue how to make them behave, when I put this in front of the class on Wednesday it will be the most embarrassing assignment ever. But I'm really digging watercolor because it's been nearly a year since I've done real observational studies, and painting from life takes you off to a meditative place. Especially since I only watercolor 8-20 hours a week, so it feels fresh and new every time I sit down. I hope my teacher understands I'm terrible at painting but trying, maybe she'll cut me some grade slack 8(

This summer was so good and deep and sweet and horrible. It was this strange and terrible mix of heavy kicking ass and heavy heartbreak and I feel a billion years saltier and a billion light years farther in space. Really really great feeling, I think!

Now I have to GTFO of this apartment and I'm pretty much dying. Rob's plane arrives at 4:20pm nooooo I need to pack up all my possessions

also need to spot treat his expensive chair for chocolate stains because I am a girl and I
well I'm messy :I

I like my other roomates, the ones I live with when school's in session, but it's not the same. There's no eating together, no shopping together, no really coexisting together. I just live with them because they're clean and quiet.

I made a graphic of our coffee table because I'm sad and I'm going to miss this environment.

I was going to stay inside crying all last weekend and reading 70s novels about dragons, but my friends are good friends and forced me to go to vegas. We crossed the state line drunk and stayed that way. I'm really enchanted by this land where some dude is constantly giving you drinks and you can take your public intoxication and your dixie cup anywhere! I'm a child, my favorite part was the pools

(Pretty sure I was swimming in pure urine because everyone is pounding beers at the poolside but who cares when the water is warm)

(aaaaaaaa auuggghjdshjk disgusting journal sentence!)
(disgusting journal thought!)

I am slowly learning how to stop crying, it's this arduous road and there are a million setbacks and it involves drinking before noon every day but I am making progress. I'm just ultra excited for school, this year I get to work freshman orientation which means all the babies coming into LCAD will see me first and think I am their mother hen forever. Then I get to be a senior and I think for my senior portfolio I will paint some horse-tiger motorcycles. y/y? (y)

One more week until Rob moves back in and I move out. I think I might have forgotten to make art this summer. Nothing in this world is new.

( I never start drawings in pen, it's intimidating )

running out on a huge bar tab but leaving my debit card behind is one of the dumber things I have done this summer

watching lame movies at night, cuddling in bed until noon, gently rotating pumpkins, everything else!! The little adventures are just as good as the big ones, I think we are going to take a nap now and I am so looking forward to it

it's nice to be back in San Diego. except for the fact I left all my bathing suits in orange county.






(I brought several pairs of pants though)

oh my god Livejournal what should i tell you?!?!

today was a great day to get hissed at by a baby owl. I got sunburnt and fired wildly at clay pigeons and sat next to a mormon on the plane, do you have any idea what it's like when you can't shut your front door on them?? Well I lived.

Anyway that was a day trip, and it feels good to be doing interactive things because when I am left in a house, regardless of who is over, I basically zone out and think about David and breakups and listen to Starfucker or Lou Reed. It is horrible and a real drag at parties. I have been living on the perpetual verge of tears. Usually when I break up with boys, I feel very triumphant and gleeful but this time -- !!!

can't handle it when people talk about LA or asians, it reminds me too much of this halfie from Van Nuys I used to date

a lot of crazy girl feelings inside of me, they keep talking to me and saying we will get back together and be in love for all eternity and read the greatest comics in the world together. but uggggh it was not ok. nothing was OK for the past few months. So why do I only remember the beginning when we were each other's little worlds and I spent all my money and wasted all my grades mothering him?!?!

fuck this shit

i am never kissing a teenage boy again. they are nothing but trouble.
the deepest of space. the chilliest of tundras. the sweatiest of deserts.

My boyfriend rolled into town. It was really complicated and dumb. Francisco refused to meet him so I spent a few days alone and friendless with David while Francisco gathered up everyone to his side. Then they all went on cocaine binges and got leftover chicken all over the kitchen. We were not invited!

David thinks my friends are douchebags.

But all of my friends say I have been making mistakes, ha ha ha

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER SCHOOL!! I should start working on this self-promotional mailer so I do not fail 8I

SCHOOL'S OUT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

my final final is actually at 10am but I am done working, or thinking, or caring.

Since I have time to kill before class I'm going to write about art school, because I know last year at this time I made some fat entry that was sentence after sentence of fretting about leaving school and feeling inadequate and praying for somebody to bless me overnight with talent.

I've grown a lot this year. So here is what I know now that I did not know last year at this time, because I was stupid and needed one extra year to puzzle it out for myself.

- Art is not threatening so much as it's exciting as hale, and
- art school is not the real world, and the art that I make there is not the art I am looking to do when I get out. (thank god because all my assignments turn out so ugly ALL THE TIME)

I spent so much time trying to marry LCAD to my style, and trying to do things I thought was the LCAD way. But I've come to realize is that my school isn't stuffing me into a mold, they're just assisting me and showing me all this crap I never would have found on my own. My heart is sort of bursting with love and pride right now for my school, I adore all my teachers and peers insane amounts.

but at the same time I can't wait to leave the nest!!! I am tired of sitting in bird shit and pine needles, fighting with all the other retarded babby birds screaming for worms and beetles!!!

this summer I get to live with my best art friend. We're setting up a screen printing lab in my room and I'll still have space to paint and a huge desk for all my shit. There's so many pictures I'm dying to paint, others I want to touch up, and mediums I'm going to ravish! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

.

There is no time to do anything, but I am slowly making room for art in my life again and I feel really happy about it.

Out of the 6 bananas I have bought in the past few weeks I have only completed one of them.

Image dump.

( probable illustrated boobs within... stuff from the past week. )

Everything!

for valentine's day me and David cuddled and talked about our feelings and ourselves for 5 hours.

it was really cool! Impossibly, there is still more stuff I have to say to him.

all the next day though I was destroyed and we didn't get out of bed until 5pm :I I think he was getting a little antsy around 2pm but I really didn't care. saying it's great to spend a cold sunday in bed with your boyfriend and his cat is the understatement of the year.

now to do homework for the rest of my life,

TYPOGRAPHY! I am really somewhat excited to be learning about it because it's graphic design, this entire art field I've never understood before and it's just SO insane to be doing new things! I have not learned anything new in years! Also a,lso also very exciting idea that I simply never thought about before and took for granted; words are representation of time, a block of text is perceived as time, and by altering minute nuances in script we are really fiddling with the mechanics of _TIME_

SO EXCITING! I guess it's really obvious that things such as Italics make time go faster, and things such as s p a c i n g make time go slower but it feels new and fresh for me. I LOVE ALTERING MARKS INTO REPRESENTATIONAL SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHehjdfshfd


everything is a picture and i want to manipulate it so it means something and nobody will realize but they will be affected in their brain anyway,*fits*!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god alsososlaosl, whenever I see text now my eyes get a little big and my nostrils flair and I think secretly to myself

"What nice san serif roman fonts with a slight diagonal emphasis on the axis like its traditional or some shiit" AND IT"S SO FUN

OH GOD MY TYPOS

NO TIME TO CORRECT THEM I AM RREADING TEXT BOOKS, THIS IS BETTER THAN ANYTHIJNG! I have a glass in my hand and I want to smash it on the wall, THIS CHAPTER IS THAT GOOD

I've been driving like a jerk which is always an indication of some huge personal problem. ugggh I just wish I knew why I feel this way. I feel like picking fights with everyone and reading all day

( I haven't used my scanner in over a month and it looked lonely )

Winter break was not really anything except bad sleeping habits and nose picking and whatever. I moved back to Orange County a week ago and congratulated myself by going to Disneyland! Now I am doing dishes and scrubbing chunks of vomit from my toilet.

I haven't hung out with anyone since Wednesday night and I haven't been responding to texts. I feel like I could keep this up for two more weeks. Not sure when my roomates will roll back into town but classes resume on the 20th. I only have 5 classes, 27 hours a week total, and this is the lightest semester I've ever had. But all my teachers and friends are telling me typography and production pre-press will suck out my soul harder than anything I've ever done before, uggggh. I had a really bad fall semester, I don't even want to look at the grades from that.

I want to play Final Fantasy IX SOOO BAD D: and be a child

Being an attractive girl is the most expensive venture in the world. fuck you, makeup and hair and clothes and skin regimens I can't afford >:(

the 30 hottest things to say to a naked woman

7. "Do you feel this, too?" ("This" being an incredible emotional euphoria.) (AHHHHSbhdbshdjdbjdslmaooooo I will never get over this. is too funny.)

8. "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."

10. "I'll get the light." (yessss ultimate response to taking off your clothes)

14. "I love your [fill in body part here]."

17. While looking at moonlight reflecting on the ceiling: "What do you see?"

I. fucken. love. mens health. who is the dude that wrote this list? I just... I just want to see his face. Is it soft and pudgy and balding? Or orange and framed by a popped collar

I have devoted my past two nights to playing the World Ends With You. Not sure if I'm into it... this is really stupid, but I want to be into a lame RPG like I was into Final Fantasy in middle/high school. I miss the original playstation with all of my heart. I miss geeking out over Squaresoft. TWEWY is pretty fun but it's no big. My PS2 is so fussy and hateful when I try to feed it PS1 games... otherwise I think I'd snap up every FF7 clone that came out before 2000 and play them all with tears streaming down my face as I shoved pocky by the fistful into my mouth

agh. sounds like such a nice time. 2009 is really close. I'm going to try to be sophisticated and classy about everything but I don't know, my heart just wants to chain itself to a couch and live a humble existence of internet, DS, friends, boyfriends, and music.

livejournal.

I have forgotten how to do long division.







what does this mean

oh my. I think I hate everything in the world, except for art. I love that shit day and night.